I have a hard time comprehending time, so I’m going to try
to work my way up to understanding my presence in the present by starting with
my presence in space.
I am tiny. Words like insignificant or miniscule have too
much weight and prestige for how absolutely teensy weensy I am in the universe.
You can’t even see me from cloud level, and if you Google Earth your way out
further still you can’t see the hill I live on or even the town. If you look at
that period at the end of the last sentence, that’s how small the planet I live
on looks from Saturn, still well within our solar system. It’s how small the
sun is compared to your galaxy of a computer monitor, the entirety of which you
wouldn’t be able to see from cloud level, which still isn’t far enough out to
be the edge of the universe.
The point is (phrasing), I am of no consequence to the
universe at large. In terms of space, the most significant thing a human has
ever done was travel to the moon, which as discussed, is an itsy bitsy
distance. The most influential humans in history have been largely fictional
(not gonna name names) or were conquerors responsible for massive amounts of
death. So unless I’m some kind of messiah or megalomaniac Machiavelli (or both?),
I really shouldn’t bother worrying about things as trivial as the memory of my
existence.
Time on the other hand, makes me far more interesting. In
the widdle blddy amount of time I will be alive for, I will have had non-stop
access to what might just be the most incredible phenomenon in the universe:
consciousness. In the 13.4 billion years of time that preceded my birth, the
amount of impossible chances required for such a magnificently sophisticated
form of order to arise from of a universe of chaos is a number truly
incomprehensible, one that should go a long way towards convincing a person of
their incredible luck at possessing such a wondrous thing all the time, a
number too high to allow for anything other than utter humility and
appreciation. But alas, it’s probably a little much to ask people to hear the
word incomprehensible and think such optimistic things, to find solace and serenity
in the unknown.
As a person with several sperm to my name, I must say the
Night Sea Journey is a pretty damn good example of the past possessing the
present. Here I am, the result of countless previous successful night sea journeys,
reading the stream of consciousness of not only what I was (Sperm Joe, if you
will) but the stream of consciousness of what I still am (Person Joe, lost in a
strange world, tryin’ to get lucky), and indeed the stream of consciousness of
all those swimmers still waiting to swim, some of whom may succeed (hopefully
not any time soon, that would be the wrong kind of present).
What is Person Joe to do? He is so small in such a massive
universe. He has no privilege, no rights to anything other than an opportunity
to witness something marvelous and the obligation to appreciate it. However, he
does want something, something in spite of all his luck and insignificance. He
wants the universe to appreciate him back. Is there a more direct way for this
to come about than when a person says “I love you” and means it? Isn’t that
best thing that can happen to him? Isn’t that a pretty clear sign that a person’s
actions have in some way aligned him/her with… something? I mean, if we really
are so small (so small it doesn’t matter if I use the Royal We, because We are
dust and the grammatical conventions of dust are ultimately of little weight)
then to have the universe, even a piece of it as tinsy weensy as another human,
say in audible words that it loves you is a massively significant event.
There is nothing more liberating than insignificance for
beings blessed with conscious minds as strange and wonderful as ours. Given the
opportunity to do anything we can imagine for as long as we can survive to do
it with no consequence to the universe as a whole should be all the gift
necessary, but it gets better. We have the opportunity to represent the
universe to the minds of those around us, shaping how they perceive their own
present moments by how we engage with ours, and if we are lucky (which we are)
then the present can be shared, a unified presence can be formed, and the
experience of consciousness is elevated to a bliss state that we call love.
Granted, none of this is news. But what I feel gets
forgotten, and what is the source of any kinds of referential mania one might
experience, is that this presence, the total attention to and appreciation of
the present, can be easily induced without the voices of others simply through
humility. The more one reflects on their own luck coupled with their
insignificance, the simpler it becomes to see in the grass and trees the same
beauty that catches one’s attention so much in the arms of love, but soon it
becomes clear that a human is not just a witness to a massively wondrous
universe, but a connected piece of it, as one can readily see themselves in their
environment with the patience to understand what to look for.
When one goes about questing to connect with the universe at
large, it is easy to become distracted and separated from the full depth of the
present moment. However, if one is careful (mostly of not being too careful),
one can learn to use the lights and whistles of the distracted masses as cues
to pay attention. I like to think of distractions as challenges, and I like to
think of challenges as opportunities.
Time is yours for the taking. You can either take your time
or you can take your time. The only difference is how excited you are about
doing it.
No comments:
Post a Comment